The INFJ personality is one that needs to speak out their feelings.

I wanted to quickly share with you why I’m so passionate about providing counselling online for those who are INFJ’s, introverts, empaths, HSP’s or simply someone who feels like they don’t quite fit in.

In this short blog post, I want to highlight one of the personality traits of an INFJ. If you are someone that identifies as an INFJ (and if you’re not sure, there are so many free Myer Briggs personality testing you can do online). An INFJ is someone who is an “external feeler”, but also an “internal thinker.”

Quite often, I find that INFJ’s are people who are quite independent in their own healing, wanting to do everything on their own and figure things out themselves. Unfortunately, sometimes as an INFJ we can become trapped in this “thinking loop”, where we go over and over again our thinking in regards to a particular situation or circumstance.

Sometimes it becomes hard to share our thoughts with another person, mainly because our thoughts are flying all over the place, and trying to share this with someone else can become difficult. Especially when that other person doesn’t quite get the way you view the world… And sadly, our well-meaning friends and family aren’t always the best listeners. When we are finally in a place to share our thoughts, it can be quite frustrating and invalidating to have someone interrupt your train of thought, trying to put in their own point of view.

Being an INFJ with “external feeling” also means we need to be able to externally express ourselves to fully grasp and understand what our feelings are. Which means, we are finally speak out our thoughts, we can achieve an “aha” moment on how we are actually feeling about that situation. When we speak out our thoughts, understand what it is that we are feeling, it then becomes a lot easier for us to find the solutions to our problems.

I think many people have this idea about counselling that only those with severe mental health issues, or those who are really suffering in life, need. But I think all INFJ’s can benefit from counselling. (And I provide it online because I know how much an introvert loves to stay home haha!).

When you receive INFJ counselling, it isn’t a place where the counsellor tells you what to do, or how to do it. We already know that you are the expert of your own life! You are the one that completely gets you!

But a good counsellor is someone that is able to draw out your story. Draw out all of those thoughts that are looping around in your mind, help you to identify what it is that you’re feeling about that situation, and help you to come to your own conclusions about what your solutions are. A good counsellor won’t interrupt you… As an INFJ counsellor, and as an INFJ myself, I know that you need the time and the space to be able to put into words what is that you’ve been thinking/feeling. You need someone to hold that space for you.. To be patient with you… To help validate within you that you’re on the right track.

For you to truly understand yourself, and your feelings, you need to be able to speak it out. And you need to be able to speak it out with the right person.

If you’d like to book an online appointment with me, I would love to hear from you. I’d love to hold that sacred space for you, as you begin to process what it is that you’re currently going through.

I look forward to it!

Empaths and Introverts- it's okay to ask for help too.

“The deepest pain I ever felt was denying my own feelings to make everyone else comfortable.”

Nicole Lyons

The thing about introverts is, we generally internalise our pain because we don’t want to be a “bother” on people. Always the empath, we listen to other people, and we are there for them- but when it comes to communicating how we are, or if we need help with anything (whether big or small) it takes a lot for us to speak out.

I remember when I was at the park with the girls, and my littlest was having a big melt down. She didn’t want to be consoled, and was rolling around in the dirt. So I went down on my knees to try and comfort her and pick her up. Not realising the large branch directly above my head, I stood up quickly and smashed my head fairly hard. Things went blank for a split second, and I sat there feeling dazed and confused. Sage was crying at my feet, but I just kind of stared into nothing. My friends were there, but I honestly had thoughts of “I don’t want to be a bother.” Thankfully, after about 5 minutes, my friend noticed and I told her what happened. Immediately she came to my aid and sat with me until my dizziness and confusion eased.


Afterwards, I was thinking about all the times in my life where I just sit… and wait… Not speaking up, because I don’t want to put another person out. I thought about how someone recently said to me that sometimes we can disguise doing acts of kindness on others, to deflect the fact that we aren’t kind to ourselves.

So, I’m trying.

Trying to be kinder, and a little more “selfish”… Because, perhaps, asking for help isn’t actually selfishness- but a form of kindness to ourselves.

I guess, my dear empathetic introvert reader, I want you to check in with yourself. I imagine that during this pandemic time, you are reaching out to your loved ones. Making sure they’re okay, being a support for them, offering to ease their emotional burdens. Perhaps you have some extroverted friends that are finding this time of social distancing and isolation extremely hard- and you’re worried. Worried for them. Worried for others. Worried about what is going to come and what will happen.

But please, don’t forget to look after yourself too. If you’re finding this hard, and you need some help- it’s okay to reach out. We don’t always need to be the strong ones. We don’t always need to be the ones that have it together. Be there for your friends, but if you also need your friends there for you- ask. Find your people. Get support. Call phone counselling if you need. Whatever it is that you do- be kind to yourself and know that you’re not a bother.