Common Question Asked In Therapy by INFJ's and Introverts.

What’s a common question that INFJ’s tend to ask in therapy?

This Was Where I Learnt To Listen...

Last week I shared a post about 5 random facts about me. It really got me thinking. I shared how my first “real life adult job” was working at a homeless crisis centre.

After I shared that post, I reflected on just how much that job shaped my life, and landed me here where I am today.

I went into social services with an idealistic view of the world. All I wanted to do was “change the world”!

I came from a white-middle-class neighbourhood. Although I had some serious traumas of my own (which at this point were still buried in my subconscious), I really didn’t have any understanding of the world and the realities that many people face.

Going into that job was like having a bucket of ice dumped on top of my head. It quickly snapped me out of my dream-state world and opened my eyes to what was really going on.

At the time, I didn’t realise how lucky I was to be working with the people I was working with. I got to learn from the best-of-the-best staff (and interns). Some seriously awe inspiring humans. When I see what they’re up to on Facebook, I’m constantly wowed by them and what they do for the homeless community. (I wish you knew how much I look up to them.)

This is where I learnt to listen.

To just listen.

As a 21 year old, I certainly knew I was in no position to give life advice to the 60 year old who had been living homeless longer than I had been alive.

Just listen.

Most of my days were spent playing Scrabble, listening to their stories. The ups and downs. The trauma they had faced.

All I could do was listen.

And I learnt, back then, that sometimes listening is all another human wants. To know that they’re seen. That they’ve been heard. That someone cares to know about their story.

That they matter.

So, what happens in the first session of therapy?

I totally get it… If you’re anything like me, you need to know the complete in’s and out’s of something before you dive straight in. That’s cool. Complete respect. (Which is why I offer free 15-minute inquiry calls so people get a real feel for me, and can ask all of the questions.)

So, what actually happens in the first session of counselling?

Obviously, I can’t answer this for EVERY therapist, I can only tell you what I do.

The first session is very much a get to know you. This is when people start to unpack their story… although I find most people hold off on some of the big stuff until about session 3 or 4… Which is normal, and fine, because you need to work out if you can trust me and trust that I am able to hold that space for you.

You need to feel safe with me.

The feeling of safety is so so so important.

During this session I like to find out what some of your coping strategies are... What you do in times of stress.. What you lean on when things get tough.

There’s also some education around some healthy coping strategies that you can use, and try, and I like to dive in so that you can discover what they are for yourself.

If you are going to unpack some of the bigger things, it’s important you have some healthy coping strategies, to help regulate yourself when you need to.

Some common things I hear after that first session is… “Wow, that hour went by SOOO quickly!” And “I feel like a huge weight has lifted off my shoulders.”

Do you have any other questions about the first session? 💙

Why an INFJ or EMPATH might struggle to build an online business.

I’m not going to sugar coat it- building an online business has been HARD. Especially when you try to do it like everyone else and not finding your own unique flavour and flow.

But it is definitely DO-ABLE. And I think INFJ’s and empaths can build beautiful, world impacting businesses. It’s just important that you remember the following:

1. Don’t get caught up in “hustle culture”. You will see a lot of this message flying around. But trust me, you will quickly burn out, people will see right through you, and you will quit before you even start. Know your energy levels and stick with them- even if it’s a slower process.

1. INFJ’s and empaths don’t like to hurt people. The problem with social media is that, often, to go “viral” we need to create controversy. It seems that the algorithm loves a controversial topic! And us INFJ’s and Empaths will do what we can to avoid this. Stick to what you know. Stick to what you believe in.
   

2. You try and build a business that isn’t aligned with your values. Trust me, I’ve tried to do this (Back in 2008, a website about feet. Like, seriously?). But if your business is aligned with your values, and your purpose, then you will keep going when the going gets tough.

1. Afraid of criticism. Ahh, if you watched my latest You Tube videos you know I struggle with this! INFJ’s and empaths do not like to be criticised, it can be soul destroying. Unfortunately, being on the internet, you open yourself up to a lot of this BS. But stick with point number 3 and you should be right.

What sort of business are you building? (Or want to build.) Let me know down below!

I almost got caught leaving a Paper Crane!

Leaving a Paper Crane at a Day Spa

Will I REALLY benefit from therapy?

You’d be surprised at how often I’m asked this question. And the truth is, the answer will be different for each person.

For many people reaching out to receive counselling they have either:

1. Never seen a therapist before, so have no idea what to expect.
   

2. Have seen a therapist in the past, but didn’t connect well with them, and had an awful experience.
   

3. Have done therapy in the past, and had an amazing experience, so they’re keen to do more.

For you to receive the most benefits out of therapy, there are a few factors for you to consider.

1. Are you in a safe space? One where you are fully ready to dive in with your head and heart open? I think it’s important that you feel safe and ready to unleash some of these more painful experiences. (Especially trauma! If you are going to dive into trauma, please make sure it’s with a qualified and trained person, who can recognise the signs when you are disassociating, and ensure that you have the right coping strategies in place.)

1. Do you feel comfortable with your chose therapist?
   This is something I tell all of my potential clients. 80% of effective therapy comes from the relationship you have with your therapist. I think this is why some people have an awful experience in the past- they don’t connect or feel like they can trust their therapist. It’s okay to “shop around” until you find the right fit for you. Listen to your gut.

1. Are you ready to “do the work”, self-reflect, and put into place some of the “homework” or strategies that your therapist has given? Most of the work is done outside of the therapy room. It’s OK if you don’t feel ready. There’s no rush. That’s certainly something you can unpack in a session.

Remember, therapy is part of the overall journey. A good therapist will refer you to other modalities if that’s what’s required (eg. EMDR, somatic, etc.)

5 Random Facts About Me

I thought I would share 5 random facts about me that you may or may not know. 🥰

After all, if you were thinking about seeing me as a therapist, you can get a feel for who I am!

1. One of my favourite forms of self-care is Muay Thai Boxing. I first started boxing lessons over 10 years ago, but got into Muay Thai after I had my second baby. I’d love to do a fight next year… Honestly though, I don’t think I’m very good! Would certainly be an interesting experience.

2. The weirdest job I had to get through Uni as a youngster was working for a scientific lab as an “odour panelist”. The name speaks for itself- I basically smelt the weirdest stuff and had to check a box on how potent it was. Got paid cash-in-hand. Had to sign a disclosure that I wouldn’t sue if I ended up with health issues. Eeeep! I cringe. 🙈

3. My first “real life adult job” was working at a homeless crisis centre. Definitely threw me into the deep water, but I got to work with the most amazing and inspiring people. Staff AND clients. Also got taught how to play a mean game of Scrabble.

4. I met my Canadian husband in Bali. It was basically love at first sight.

5. I was once majorly addicted to Diet Coke! I’d drink 2 litres a day. The only way I was able to quit was by seeing a hypnotherapist! 8 years later, when I walk past Diet Coke, I turn a blind eye.